Feeling a little broken

Christmas was great. B came and got me Christmas eve. Christmas morning we went to Brian's for my family and then went up to his parents house for his families. It was a good one.
The part that broke me a little was checking Facebook. First four, then five, then Six, now eight people I know got engaged over Christmas. Two of which are B's co-workers so we knew about one of them before it happened. B had mentioned that someone had asked if he was feeling pressure at all and he said no and laughed. He laughed telling me about it. And now I have this ache..and a constant need to cry. Only I can't stand to cry in front of him, he gives me this look that makes me want to cry more. It's not a bad look, it's a mix between love and you're crazy. I love him and I know he loves me it's the waiting that hurts.

My mornings with depression

There are mornings I wake up and all I want to do is cry. Those days I know are gonna be hard. You live life thinking that maybe you are ok, that maybe you beat your depression but then it hits you like a rock before you even get out of bed. Ugh

No babies

Everytime I take my pill he cheers "no babies!" I don't know why but it hurts inside every time.

Stress eating away at me

Holy ball of stress. Ugh today is a day I want to cry, scream and throw up all at once.  How is it one person can ruin a day for you with just one sentence.

Feeling off

Feeling a bit off today. I dont know what it is but I have this overwhelming feeling of dread and fear. I feel as tho I  could cry at any moment. I havent had a day like this in months, I  want to crawl in bed and let the world dissappear.

Fucking Tired of Being Single

how will i realize when i am happy? tonight a guy i know told me he is finally happy to be out a relationship and plans on being happily single for a while. this is a guy who tells me he loves me everyday and that he misses me. then he goes and tells me this and that he is truely happy. i of course mention that i wish i would be that happy. and he told me that i am and i just dont realize it... wtf is that?!?!!he says i need time to realize it. how much fucking time do i need? i tell him. hasnt it been enough fucking time? and he has the nerve to say "obviouslly not"
when will it be enough time? being lonely and single fucking hurts! its been a little over 4yrs. no one wants a relationship with me.. being the girl they want to be around but never date is heartbreaking... im tired of feeling like no one in the world wants me. seriously. im tired of falling for guys who say they want to be with me and never have the balls to to thru with it. AM I THAT HORRIBLE? IS IT THAT HARD TO LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM? I COULD BE SO WONDERFUL AT LOVING SOMEONE IF ONLY THEY WOULD GIVE ME THE CHANCE.

Douche

Ok so haha surprise surprise Chris never showed up Tuesday to go to the movies. In fact he hasn't returned any texts or IMs sense last Wednesday when he made the plan. And I know he is ignoring me because he has responded to my sisters texts. But seriously why even attempt an apology if you don't plan on following through with it?! Seriously! Ugh! What the hell!