Realizing

Today I realized. I really want to be a mom I just know that I won't be good at it so I don't want to give myself the option

The new

It's been over a year since I last cut myself  and I couldn't be more happy with life. I find myself smiling for no reason,  breaking out of my shell one day at a time.  Yes there are days I cry and feel empty still they are just fewer and farther apart from the way I used to feel.

Still in love with him

We have been together almost two and a half years and I am still madly in love with him. I ache the days I don't get to see him. And when I'm with him I am so happy and giddy I can hardly contain myself. Yes there are days we get on each other's nerves but the love takes care of that.

Wanna hear a secret??

I think I want kids. I know I won't be good at it, not like my job, but when it comes down to it I always saw myself as a mom. Working with kids is what makes me question if I really want them. There is also the bigger fear... what if they get my heart problem? The Dr's say it's a small percentage of a chance but still it could happen. Or what if something entirely different happend? What if having kids pushes me and my person apart? What if people realize I'm a terrible person/mom?

This weekend

This weekend was a great one. Friday B and I went out to dinner, spent time with each other and talked. Saturday we did Alice in Wonderland burlesque, which was amazing! So much fun. So glad we did it, it was a great date night.