I hate/love that I have been doing this to myself for the last decade, will it get better or worse as life goes on? from what I hear it gets better for most but I honestly don't think I am part of the "most" in this case. In the last 6 yrs alone life has been one crisis after another driving me deeper into my hole of a life.
The other day after work and a few other stress inducing things I went to my room and hurt myself. Only I didn't cut, and it didn't hurt. I took my moms Pumas stone/foot grater and attacked my calve and the top of one of my hands. It felt amazing, a new release I haven't felt in a while, not even from cutting. It was strange in a way.
Tonight I have plans to get out of the house without my family. I need it soo much, lately if I'm not at home I'm at work or babysitting. Even on downtime I feel overwhelmed and stressed. Even my family makes me want to scream and crawl out of my skin.
Lately I have also been dealing with harassing phone calls from a company who claims i owe them for things i never ordered or even agreed to. its so bad they even call my sister somehow. I sent in a report claiming i never agreed or even wanted anything from them nor did i accept anything from them so i refuse to do anything with them. but they keep calling.
ugh as if i wasnt stressed enough with work now this has me nauseous and stressed constantly.
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