feeling

The sick thing is I want him to touch me an make me feel good again.

fuck

Fuck! So I am staying at my bestfriends house for the next week... And he brother.... Years ago while I was sleeping started touching me. Then yrs later I went on an awkward date that ended in him wanting to take me to the park at one am but me refusing so he brought me home. Not for lack of trying. Then here I am at their house and what do I do? I put myself in that same predicament. I don't know why I let myself be alone with him. After my friend had decided to go to sleep her brother came and asked if I wanted to watch a movie. Stupidly I said yes. It started out casual and harmless. Then he noticed I was freezing and got me a blanket. Only he got under too, he was right on my side saying it was to keep me warm. I wa ok with that. But then he strattled his leg over mine and started rubbing my arms slightly touching my breast. Only instead of stopping him I let him continue. I don't even know why but oddly enough I was kinda turned on by this touch and scared of it at the same time. Only I didn't stop him. A Half hour later he got a little more vigorus. Stupidly I told him I didn't care that he was groping me but I was not going to have sex an he agreed he was ok with that. when the movie ended he started kissing me and again I went along with it. Then he started going under my clothes and I let him ILETHIM! Ugh! WTF is wrong with me. We kissed he rubbed and took over. There was no sex but it got to the point where I couldn't do it anymore so I sat up and told him I was going to sleep. He was left confused in his room as I went to mine. Automatically I regret and fear what happened. Am I going to have to be the girl who tells him it was fun but we can't do it again. And I won't do it again, it is too weird. I'm here for five more days. Hopefully our days will be filled or outcof the house. Ugh! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

Damn it

Damn it. It took me 6 months to get over him and i made it two months without thinking about him everyday. And now I think I';m in the same pit yet again. Only this time I know he likes me because he said so. Only now he ignores that fact and is doing what he did before UGH! Wtf!

He Likes Me... finally

So Im scared he is in like with me.. for once I dont think I can resipricate. I mean I want to, but its been nine months and he honestly hurt me when he dropped me from his life. I think the worst part is that knowing who I am, I will let him rule me again and break me Again. In our five yr friendship not once has he called me, we have always been text friends. but Yesterday he called me! I was in a meeting when he called and didnt leave a message, but he left like 4 texts saying he was waiting for me. then when I tried to contact him he never got back to me. UGH

wow he never seases to amaze me

We were talking all night about hanging out and when he finaly decided on a time it was 12:30in the morning and I waited ten minutes after he said he was heading over before I even left the house. I waited another 5 outside the text him telling him that mom didn't want me to go because she really didn't she and dad both told me they didn't like me going out after midnight. But anyway he was pretty much mocking me for being 22 and havin my mom tell me what to do. When just the other night his mother wouldn't let him leave. But anyway once I went back inside I text him again asking what took him so long. He said he was cleaning up his room an changing clothes. And said somethig about me being caged by my mom. When I told him he was just as caged as I was he got weird. He was saying he tells her to fuck herself daily. And then he said the thing that threw me he said " if I told her I was interested in you my life would go further offthe end like sputnik". So I asked him hy she would care so much but all he wrote back was " lol good night. Find the bands song (wait)". I was and still am so confused. Was this his way of saying he likes me?

oh!

Oh! I cut my hair at work last weekend. I was bored and could run my fingers through my hair so I took the scissors and cut three inches off. And it looks pretty good too

mother

My mother I always trying to talk to me about my cutting. The other night she randomly started talking to me about something she saw on tv about a girl who actually cut fat out of her legs by herself! While I love/need cutting I can't imagine doing that to myself. Ew.

midnight walks with him

I have been talking to him again for the last week or so. It has been six months since we last talked or even hung out. Not for my lack of trying. He finally decided to answer. We had talked about hanging out soon last week then today he told me he was bored at home with his parents and wanted to know if I wanted to hang out. This was at 10:45pm so o course I said yes. I walked over to his house just intime for him to come outside to meet me. He has changed a bit, he has grown his hair even longer, gained weight even in his hands. Those hands that were one of my favorite of his body parts. now dont get me wrong its not the weight that threw me, its that for once while i was still slightly scared to be alone with him i felt no romantic feelings for him. We went for a walk to te lake. On the trail there he mentioned how he has already noticed how I have changed. He said it was a good thing. I told him there are things I got over and new things that terrify me. And he said it was understandable. We were at the lake for about an hour then we went back to his house to play pool which we played two rounds, an to watch a movie. We ended up choosing the hangover but halfway through he started snoring. I didn't wake him but a moment later he woke up and tol me he was going to walk he home before he passed out again. So we walked back to my house, did that awekward standing around for a bit then he said something about chivalry and then we said good bye. We are supposed to finish the movie tomorrow night. I ended up getting home around 2:35am. Not bad for a Chris fix

single ladies (found on letters from a lonely heart)

The life of a single woman is a whirlwind of contradictions. One minute you like a guy, the next you don’t; one day you have $2,000 in the bank, the next you’re chasing pennies around the floorboard of your car to afford a McDonald’s cheeseburger for dinner; one week you feel single and fabulous, the next you just feel lonely and mediocre. It happens to the best of us. There is no real safety net for a single woman. No fierce protector. No knight in shining armor to swoop in and scare all the bad guys away when we’re feeling picked on at work. No protective cocoon to run to when we’re feeling our inner caterpillar is outweighing our inner butterfly. We are, quite literally – single. Singular. Solo. Alone. We have moments where we look at the martini glass as half empty, then kick ourselves for doing so. We have Facebook stalking expeditions in which we scope out all our exes just to see how balding and ugly and miserable they are now, then feel somehow betrayed when they look…dare I say it?...good. We have really brave moments when we kill an enormous spider or change a tire by ourselves and we become completely convinced that all we need to do is slap an “S” on our chest and we could save the world. We dance all night with our girlfriends then ace our presentation at work the next day going on nothing but Starbucks and adrenalin (and wearing the same clothes we had on the night before). We face the condescending looks at family gatherings and high school reunions when people learn that we’re not dating anyone and pat on us like we’re their pet and say: “Oh, don’t worry. You’re surely next!” We buy hundreds of dollars in wedding gifts and baby gifts and christening gifts and bar mitzvah gifts for all of our married friends without batting an eye, knowing that this might well be the closest we ever get to a gift registry. We lose jobs and friends and parents and lovers…and sometimes have no one but our pillow to witness our tears. We fall in love - deeply, madly, passionately in love – and sometimes, they forget to love us back. Sometimes we love someone for years, without the other person even knowing we exist. We suffer in silence, hoping against hope that one day they’ll not just look at us, but really SEE us; that they’ll not just want us, but NEED us. Sometimes life offers us a second chance to get it right…and sometimes life just offers us a second chance to say goodbye. Sometimes even after all the hurt, and all the waiting, and all the hoping, and all the wishing…for reasons beyond our control, it still doesn’t work out. Sometimes you just know you know the only way to be true to YOU is to let him go. If we’re lucky, we have a best friend to reflect our hearts back to us and show us our strength when we’ve lost our way. And if we’re REALLY lucky, we have 46,000 incredibly brave, sassy, independent, beautiful, strong honorary best friends to inspire us to be a better version of ourselves…to walk our talk…to live up to a higher standard…and to never lose the faith that someday, some way, amidst all the many frogs, our Prince Charming will emerge and sweep us off into our Happily Ever After. This, my dear friends, is my way of saying thank you. Thank you for believing in what I have to say. Thank you for continuing to faithfully follow me. Thank you for keeping me on my toes and inspiring me to be the very best woman that I can be. And most of all, thank you for making me so incredibly proud to call myself a single woman. I am certainly in good company among you. And here’s the good news…for you, for me, for all single women. We are tough. We are bold. We are fierce. We are a force to be reckoned with. We face the world the single way every single day…and we don’t back down. We don’t let the idea of going to a movie alone intimidate us. We don’t let the threat of bumping into an ex stop us from going to the most fabulous party in town with our head held high. We walk a path that many women will never have to walk…a path that forces us to constantly step out of our comfort zones…a path that a majority of the women we grew up with and acted as bridesmaids for will never have to walk. The journey of a single woman is not an easy one – but we welcome the danger. We welcome the unknown. We embrace our freedom as the gift that it is…we pay our own way…we march to the beat of our own drum and we ask permission from no one to do so. There is a fire in the soul of a single woman that can never quite be tamed…an unwillingness to settle…an independence all our own, built from the knowledge that we can do absolutely anything without calling for backup and we can look damn good doing it. There is a wisdom we possess that comes from surviving many a broken heart…a shine to us from learning how to make an entrance into a room accompanied by no one but me, myself and I…a confidence that comes from knowing we are not afraid to fall…because each time we fall, Life presents us with another opportunity to get up and move up. We realize a happy life is more important than a happy ending…and that we don’t need a significant other to lead a significant life. And if one day, our Prince does find us, we won’t expect him to complete us, but to compliment us. Because we are strong. We are invincible. We are all…The Single Woman.