The fact that this stupid kid cries all day everyday at work makes me want to stab people

He said he loved me

Saturday chris said he loves me... it was through a text and I didn't see it for a few hours so I ignored it. Because for me I don't think it counts until he says it in person.. but it still counts because he said it right?? I have the proof.. in an awesome world that would be all it took to make me happy but honestly I don't even know if I acceept that he loves me because he sure hasn't prooven it..

Plus 5

I cut last night. It has been a horribe week I hae lost 3 people in my life all unexpected deaths. Plus fighting with chris and being super emotional anyway I couldn't handle it. I broke down and found my razor.

3 more angels in heaven

In the last 5 days i have lost 3 people who have been important in my life.. my friend Valerie lost her battle with Pulmonary Hypertension and pneumonia on thursday.. my ex bffs grandfather died on sunday and we found out that my grandmother passed away this afternoon from a viral infection... Along with my Nana being in the hospital with her body basically shutting down.. we just pray she holds on longer than this week.. i dont think i could handle another death this month..

Had sex with chris again.. he was super rough and a few times I had to tell him to be gentler..  I cried a few times but not because of his roughness.. he called me pretty and I burst into tears. For 6 yrs I have wated to hear him say it and when he did I couldn't handle it.. we cuddled on the couch until he fell asleep then I walked home.. he then woke me this morning aasking if I wanted to hang out.. I gave him a time and took a shower. When I got out I got a tex saying it would be another hour.. here it is 9 hours later and I haven't heard a thing.. ugh if you are gonna be stupid enough to wake me up you better have the balls to hang out..

Today my skin is screaming for me to pick up the knife. And the work day isn't even over yet. I don think. I can hold out all day.. I hope.

My caridologist retired

I found out today that my cardiologist retired and that's why i haven't been able to get an appointment with him. I called in and they told me that he refered me to someone else but it wast in my file so they have to call me back with the name of the dr.   Man I soo did not want to have to go thru a new dr. Seeing one is stressful enough let alone bringing another one upto speed. Ugh