well im through

im officially making myself get over him. again i am sick of how he doesnt think i am worth having in his life. i couldnt bring myself to delete him from my contacts so i changed his name. he is now known as "Why Bother, He doesnt love you". I have to train myself not to text him when i know he wont respond or even mention he has gotten it. He is one of the reasons i cant be happy in my life and i am sick of the control his lack of attention has over my life. I will stop all communication. if he wants to see me or talk to me he must do it, he has to try. Yes my heart will be breaking one day at a time all over again but as i have learned in the past, my heart cant fully heal until it is completely broken, and let me tell you, its almost there. i havent been able to say i love you to anyone in months, the words are ruined for me, its as if i wasted love on him and now i am having trouble giving anymore to anyone. love for me will not be giving away easily.. it has to be earned.. they have to work at it. I will not let myself get carried away with all the small things that make me feel as though i can fly, for those are the things that sooner or later are the reason i feel broken down and sick. its the little things that get into your heart and start to grow, slowly destroying you.. i cant take it anymore, it has to stop. he broke me.. he... didnt even see it happen.