if he would have answerd his phone i would have had my way with him.

a bit weepy

Feeling a tad weepy today, still feeling ok in my skin, but weepy. It seems i could cry at the drop of a hat but that wouldnt be a first now would it lol. Is it love or depression? who knows lately they seem to have the same effect on me.

No Holding Back

Today scars are out. I haven't had them out in years. I decided today "why the hell not", people know they exist they might as well know what's there. Today I am home in my body. At last.. Let's hope it lasts.

Had a better day today, still not feeling awesomely wanted but yeah.. good night world, i love you.

Im Done

Tonight I send out a huge FUCK YOU to the world.. im dont tonight, im sick of the ones who claim to love and never show it. im sick of those who make promises and dont intend to keep them. im tired of the boys who one day make yoou feel like you are their world then treat you like the never knew you existed. im tired of those whom you serve and never get thanked. Those who applaud you to your face and shoot you down as you walk away. the ones who make your heart race and then break.. the one who makes want to fly, scream, laugh, and throw up all at the same time. Fuck YOU!

What makes someone just stop talking mid convo? especially when they started talking to you? they started the whole need for interaction? i will never understand that, its been two fucking hours and he stopped after he asked a question and i answered.. then nothing. wtf!

Then man of my dreams is suffering as his family is falling apart and he is avoiding me again! And its killing me, I want to be there for him and he won't let me.

Its impossible for it to be up to me... Whenever its up to me you rather be with or talk to anyone else in the world.

I want to cry tonight.. is that ok?
chris hasnt returned any form of communication all day and im feeling alone.

my nana is sick, she has been on kidney dialysis for over a year and isnt getting better, she has been on oxygen for even longer. last week she was feeling off at the family party and stayed in bed the whole time. then she started feeling horrible pain that made her throw up. she was admitted to the hospital sunday night and has improved very little. tomorrow they are transfering her to another facility and next week boppa is having a family meeting with all my aunts about what is gonna happen next.
for the past 10 yrs i have said i basically hate this woman because when i was young she had a stroke and became a very mean woman. but honestly, she has been my nana, the only grandmother i have that knows who i am. my other grandma is so far gone she doesnt know anyone anymore. i dont want to lose my nana, i love my nana.

Found a spot on my leg last night that didnt have any marks on it. Automatically i had the urge to have a scar there.. i didnt cut but now i feel like there is an emptiness that needs to be filled by another mark.

Just got chills and slightly turned on while watching a knife slice easily through a watermelon