its been.

It has been 148days sinse I last cut and to tell you the truth I have thought about cutting almost every day. I have even picked up the razor a few times and held it there but did nothing. I'm not saying I didn't want to, it's just that I knew I wouldn't want to clean up everything. I would let it blee an rub it away instead of clean it. I have been getting lazy about alot of it. Like the other day I got cut at work, I just kept rubbing the blood until it decided to stop bleeding. By then, not only was my hand covered in dry blood but so was that part of my leg. I stared at it a bit before even thinking of washing it off. I know it's gross and weird, but I kinda like it.

it was my birthday

This week was my 23rd birthday. It was actually one of the best I have had in years. We had a big family thing at a local pub. It was great. The last two week have been hard on my body, I have ha shingles for the last 14 to 20 days. Luckily it is cleared up now. It hurt like hell and at one point I scratched it and it hurt so bad I threw up. It was horrible.