The Apology

This morning when I woke up I got 7 texts from Chris 6 saying "my bad" and one saying "So I've decided I'm going to sleep all weekend... O.o" so I pretty much yelled at him about that night and asked what happened or how drunk he was. He replied that he wasn't drunk just that in the last 5 days he has gotten like 8 hours of sleep. And that for an apology he wanted to take me to go see a movie. He wants to take me to see Zombieland. I asked when and he suggested Tuesday at 630. And of course I said yes. Now I wait to see if he actually follows through with it.

Ugh what is wrong with me?

Ok so tonight... ugh tonight it was the prefect rain. The kind where 5 seconds in it and you get soaked. So chris and I were talking and I mentioned the rain. So he mentioned that it was a good time for a walk. So I said yes. 20 minutes after said time to meet he comes running down the street to meet me. And of course I am already soaked but he offers me his coat to keep dry pay no matter that my clothes are already wet. But yeah, we walk back past his house where he decides to go get a jacket but first he unlocks his car for me to wait in. Instead of just letting me inside.his house while he is there. Ugh. Anyway. I wait in the car for about 10 minutes and he comes out with no coat.. He hands me his zune and tells me to pick a song. We listen to music for about 15 minutes till he decides that he needs a coat so he goes back in his house and 5 minutes later he comes back with a fleece jacket. I ask where his real coat is and he claims the ghosts are hiding them. Right then I should have noticed something was off. But anyway. Out of nowhere he asks me what I expect out of the books we are both in. Right away I'm confused so I ask what he means. His reply is that "by this time girls are usually tackling him to the ground and things happen". Seriously that what he said. So I think a bit and decide to say that I am only interested in hanging out . He snaps back something along the lines of "figures" while I am surfing through his songs more he starts to say something and stops mid sentence. I look over and at first I think he is faking, but after a few minutes I shove him and nothing happens. HE BLACKED OUT! I haven't ever seen him black out before and according to his friends he only blacks out when he drinks A LOT! So I figure the first time he went in the house he went and drank a bunch on top of what he had been drinking before we started to hang out. After attempting to wake him up 3 more times, I take off his coat leave it on the passenger seat and get out of the car. I didn't even turn off his car. I just walked away. Once I got home I sent him a text telling him what happened about how I tried to wake him but nothing happened. I hope that when he wakes up his car is dead and he is late for work. I feel this way because this is not the first guy to pass out on me while hanging out. A few years ago after school I went and hung out with a guy and he passed out while we were watching a movie. I tried to wake him and when I couldn't I pushed him off me and walked to my moms work and waited till she got off work to take me home. I didn't hear from that guy till 1030 that night when his mother woke him up. Ugh why does this happen to me? UGH!

Its been 25 days since I last cut. And I'm doing ok. Haven't had the urge to even pick up a razor.

Today I went for a 3 mile walk with a friend and I feel great! Haven't walked that much in a long time.

Got a werid text today

So I turned my phone on today and it said I had a picture message so I went into my inbox and nothing was on top. So I scrolled down and at the bottom I had a new one with nothing but the date... it was strange because it said the text was from dec 31 1969. Crazy

So today was my birthday and to tel the truth it wasn't that bad. It could have been much worse. Breakfast went good, I only got a few weird things from my dad haha. And thanks for the birthday wishes you guys! You rock

So today is my 22nd birthday. I'm supposed to go out to breakfast with the family. I hate birthdays. They are filled with awkward opening of gifts you don't want and having to pretend you like being around people. I don't know I am just not looking forward to today

4 days without cuttingWeight: 218.4 pounds - ugh

102 days

Well sorry you guys. Today was a horrible day.I can't even discuss it. I ended up vomiting from the stress and in the end I cut. I went 102 days being cut free and that streak has ended. I cut my stomach 8 times tonight. The stress got to me and addiction came creeping out.