OK so i have been thinking a lot, and i honestly don't know how bad the bad is about my cutting. i mean, just a small run across the skin doesn't count for me, it has to be deep and bleed a good amount before i can move on to the next. am i the only one who does that? or do most people just have one quick shallow cut and make that count? if I'm gonna cut it has to count and that's why my scars are so big, i cut sometimes so deep it doesn't even really bleed. i know that's bad, but i cant help it, if "fixes" me in a way.strange and dangerous.. i know.
Also, over the years i have considered myself pretty good at hiding the fact that i am a cutter, and i got the courage to talk to one of my friends about it the other night and he told me that most of my friends have known for years but haven't ever really spoken about it. Why not? hasn't anyone seen how much pain i have been in? haven't they ever wondered if i needed to talk? why wouldn't anyone push my buttons and get me to talk? i mean seriously, i know i could have started it, but they could have at least showed concern. I'm not saying it would have changed anything, but what if it had. would i be better?
2 comments:
Ok, I'll try and answer your questions
Let's hope they are good enough answers for you =)
1) it has to be deep and bleed a good amount before i can move on to the next. am i the only one who does that?
Well...I used to do a bit of "just slash anywhere cause anything will do right now" and a bit of concentrated cutting as your describing. I think that depends the person.
2) most of my friends have known for years but haven't ever really spoken about it. Why not?
Fear? Maybe they thought talking about it would upset you? Maybe they found it difficult themselves to ask you things about it? Just throwing things in here...
3) would i be better?
I don't think anyone who reads this blog will be able to answer differently to what I'm about to say. No one can change the past, so I guess it's better to not look back at unchangable and something we will never, ever know. I guess the best thing is to look into the present and the future.
So yeah, that's my pitiful attempt... I'm sorry if that really didn't help you =[
Hey, thanks, in a way that did help, thank you!
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