The future

Today I started thinking about my scars and my body. Thinking about how I will explain it to my husband, how much I hate my body. How addicted I am to blades, blood and pain. My weird addiction I have for pain. Not too much pain, but just the joy it brings. If that makes sense. I enjoy bringing a weird sense of pain on myself. Whether it is burning cutting or even picking at scabs as sick as that sounds. And then I start to think, how will I talk to my kids about it? But still I do it anyway.