10%

so lately i wave been working really hard to lost the last few pounds i have been trying to lose for a while and while i am nowhere near where i want to be i am getting closer. today i weighed in and i reached my 10% goal! thats a little over 24lbs lost in a little over a year. i know i can do better this year, i still have a long way to healthy. Hopefully one day i will reach the point where my body will be healthy and i will look in the mirror and not hate myself.

143 Days!

143 days since I last cut!! Wow !!! Tho I must say I have been thinking about the blade a lot more lately

crazy little thing called love

I think that while I knew I was friends with him I could live with loving him and it not going anywhere. But now that it seems like he hates me and doesnt want to be my friend it breaks my heart. Yeah there will always be a part of me that will hope that one day he will love me, but until then, whatever i felt for him before has been replaced with rage and pure hate.

Ok so...

Ok so yeah I have lost 22 pounds this year but I still honestly can't see it. Its just awkward when mom talks to people about me losing weight because they know I do weightwatchers but they want to know what I do to lose all the weight. And honestly, I don't know. Some days I binge and other days I starve. Its how I have been for the past year I consider what I have eaten the day before and also what else I'm going to eat during the week and decide what days I can eat a lot of a little. I don't count calories I decide on what it will do to my body. Weird but its what I do...

Here I sit in a crowded room. And all I want to do is curl into a ball and cry. Someone save me please

Happiness is not something I am capable of feeling today. I have tried but its just not happening. I'm crawling in my skin again and need to get out. But I won't cut. I won't.