I have found a new form of art that i can work at, and it is drawing fairies. I have drawn 5 sosafr, and each one is getting better
Dec 22, 2007
Fairies
I have found a new form of art that i can work at, and it is drawing fairies. I have drawn 5 sosafr, and each one is getting better
Nov 14, 2007
Lack of Meds
So depression is shining through these days due to the fact that I have been lazy with taking the pills. I have been going through old journals and have been remembering why I hated my life so much, and comparing it to how much I hate it now. and I must say there arent very many differences.
Sep 23, 2007
The New Addition
this is the newest addition to my body. It only took about an hour, and Its one of my own drawings!
Aug 31, 2007
Aug 3, 2007
hell of a life
I hate myself today. Im not the girl i want to be. Life seems its gonna go your way, but then it just turns you down. Having faith in things doesnt help either. you can believe one thing and in just seconts your world can be smashed. Like mine. If there was a chance i had something to live for, now i have nothing. Atleast at this moment. From here on out, i live expecting to die. People say to have a heart full of hope, but what if there is no room for hope, no room for love? there is just hate, rage, lonliness, fear...Death? is it wrong to wish death on ones self? People dont understand, they believe they do, and even if you believe they do, they dont know. there are things even my theropist doesnt know about my life. Things i will keep inside till the day i die, whenever that may be. People are there to make you realize how much you hate your life. and i will tell you this... its working. I put my trust in soemone, and i only ended up hating myself even more, He only brought me more pain, more suffering, along with the promise of me never feeling pain agian. well forget you guys, forget everyone. I hate you.
Jul 29, 2007
Hurting others
Life Isnt What you expect it to be. I have problems with that. Not with others, just with me. I say what i feel at the time and sometimes that hurts people. I speak my mind, i dont mean to hurt anyone but sometimes that is how things get across. I am sorry if i have hurt anyone but not sorry for speaking out. I have trust issues and sometimes that will push people away. Yeah i know it sucks.
Jul 27, 2007
new Post 1
I never want to hurt anyone, i just end up doing it. my heart is a graveyard, with a sharp metal fence around it. locked up tight without a key.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Find out how you can get spam free email.
http://www.bluebottle.com/tag/3
Adventures of Honda Boy and White Girl
The other day, I went on to a chat site as a joke, and a guy added me. We talked for a few hours, and then he asked me if i wanted to hang out some time. so i said sure. but not thinking he was serious. so i came up wth an excuse not to go. but then later that day felt bad for lying. SO i went on line, and to no surprise he was too. My family had left for the night, and it was just my dad and i at home. So i opened messenger, and talked to him just to see what he was doing that night.
And after a while we decided that we should go see a movie, we decided which one, and he came and picked me up. But not before an awkward moment with my dad trying to get to know him. I couldnt even tell him cause i didnt know much aobut him. But yeah. we got to the theatre and decided to see HP5 tho we both had seen it.
So to make the story shorter, i will get to the chase. a few minutes into the movie, he asked if he could kiss me. but i told him no. so he said that it was ok, and that i could trust him. because i told him i have trust issues. but then he continued to ask me, and attempt to kiss me. till finally he got his arm around me and kinda brought me closer to him. and thats when he kissed me. it was totally awkward.and to make a story even shorter, we ended up making out for about half the movie. and then in the car too, along with a little more. until i demanded he take me home.
but that wasnt the point of the story. the point was that he wasnt even a good kisser, and yet i continued to kiss him. i mainly kissed him so he would shut up, because he isnt that interesting of a person. and the weird thing is that i feel he was only telling me things because he wanted me to trust him, even tho i knew in side i couldnt. even not, a few days later, i become nauseauos just thinking about that night. ugh....
He isnt a bad person, he just says those lines that all guys say that you know you cant trust. and i guess thats what scares me. I have been burned so manytimes, that i dont want to get close to anyone. as lame as that is.
And after a while we decided that we should go see a movie, we decided which one, and he came and picked me up. But not before an awkward moment with my dad trying to get to know him. I couldnt even tell him cause i didnt know much aobut him. But yeah. we got to the theatre and decided to see HP5 tho we both had seen it.
So to make the story shorter, i will get to the chase. a few minutes into the movie, he asked if he could kiss me. but i told him no. so he said that it was ok, and that i could trust him. because i told him i have trust issues. but then he continued to ask me, and attempt to kiss me. till finally he got his arm around me and kinda brought me closer to him. and thats when he kissed me. it was totally awkward.and to make a story even shorter, we ended up making out for about half the movie. and then in the car too, along with a little more. until i demanded he take me home.
but that wasnt the point of the story. the point was that he wasnt even a good kisser, and yet i continued to kiss him. i mainly kissed him so he would shut up, because he isnt that interesting of a person. and the weird thing is that i feel he was only telling me things because he wanted me to trust him, even tho i knew in side i couldnt. even not, a few days later, i become nauseauos just thinking about that night. ugh....
He isnt a bad person, he just says those lines that all guys say that you know you cant trust. and i guess thats what scares me. I have been burned so manytimes, that i dont want to get close to anyone. as lame as that is.
May 17, 2007
Reasons To Hate My Life
Reasons To Hate my Life
1. I Never Have Energy
2. Not Confident
3.The Family never remembers my birthday
4. Wish I could talk to someone
5. My Constant Sadness
6. Even Friends Dont Talk To Me
7. I Hate The Way I Live My Life
8. Cant Speak My Mind To People I Know
9. I Wont Get Into Any Colleges
10. I Have Scars Inside And Out
11. There Are Few Emotions Left Inside Me
12. I Sleep Too Much Too Often
13. If I Die, How Will It Effect People? Val? My Family?
14. My Ambitians Are Rediculous
15. I Cant Feel Pain
16. I Look At Things And Think Of Ways To Hurt Myself With Them
17. I Take Things And Never Feel Bad About It
18. My Family Is Poor
19. Unattractive
20. My Sister Hates Me
21. My Life Is A Burden
22. People Dont Keep My Secrets
23. The Past Has Lead To My Trust Issues
24. I Know I Wont Fullfill My Dreams
25. No One Really Seems To Care About Me Od My Problems
26. No One Accepts Me For Who I Am
27. I Have Lost All Motivation To Do Things
28. I Hate My Dad, I Cant Tell Him I love Him Because I Dont29. Not Only Am I Lazy, But People Think I Am Too
30. I Dont Like Being With Other People31. I Dye My Hair To Appear As Though I Am More Pale
32. When I Am Stressed Or Aggrivated, my Body Hurts And The Only Way To Get Rid Of That Pain Is To Cut
33. I Have No Real Friends
34. Cant Even Use My Body To Get Things
35. No One Understands Me
36. Unappealing
37. All My "Friends" Moved Away
38. I Have No Motivation
39. I Want To DIE
40. I Lie About Scars, Cuts And Burns
41. I Dont Know If I Truely Believe
42. Unfulfilled
43. No Friends At School
44. I Could Over Dose At Any Time
45. People Keep Trying To Kill Me
46. The Fact That I Carry So Many Lighters
47. Not Very Pretty
48. I Want To Die Before Christmas
49. Molestation
50. My Bones Actually Itch
51. Im Fat
52. People Dont Understand My Art
53. I Am Always Too Lazy To Do Anything
54. No Real Talent
55. My Job Sucks
56. Dad Doesn't Like My Art and Mom Doesnt Understand It
57. Pain
58. I Am Never Happy
59. SAM Spelled Backwards Is MAS, MAS Means HUGE, HUGE = FAT
60. Scared Of Being Close To People (Men)
61. People Don't Take Me Serious
62. I Have No Real Control Over Myself
63. My Parents Never Pushed Me To Do Things
64. If I Disappeared, Who Would Care Or Even Notice
65. Not Much Of A Testimony
66. Scared Of Being Judged
67. Fear Of Things
68. My Father Thinks I Am Demented
69. I Cry
70. I Love The Feeling Of A Blade Running Across My Skin
71. I Have Lost The Urge To Smile
72. When I Want To Say Things, I Cant Get Up The Guts To Say Them
73. I Dont Care About Anything74. Life Is Over Rated
75. I Refuse To See My Heart Doctors
76. I Wont Clean My Room Because I Dont Want People To Be Able to Come In And Go Through My Things
77. Each Day Death Comes Closer, Just Not Quick Enough
78. Motivated To Kill Myself But Not Willing To Take The Time
79. Didnt Graduate On Time
80. My Brother Doesnt Love Me
81. Talking On The Phone Is Not My Specialty
82. People I Get Close To Leave For One Reason Or Another
83. Suck At School
84. Life
85. Never Know How To Express Myself
86. People Hate Me Because Im Fat
87. My Sister Sees Me As A Burden
88. I Cut As A Way To Control Something In My Life
89. I Can Sit For Hours Without Thinking
90. When I See My Sister Grab Knives While Doing The Dishes, I Imagine Her Cutting Her Hands, And I Giggle.
91. I Hate That I Am A Burden To Others
92. I Am Not Motivated To Pick Up The Phone When Someone Calls
93. Not Very Creative
94. No Real Thoughts
95. I Dont Feel Pain
96. I Doesnt Hurt To Burn
97. I Suck At Reading
98. Doesnt Look Like Fate Has Very Much Planned Out For Me
99. I Know I Have No Real Future
100. I Take Things For Granted
101. Havent Had A Feal Boyfriend Since 7th Grade
102. The Fact That I Am Not Comfortable In My Own Skin
103. My Handwriting Sucks And I Cant Spell
104. I Dissappoint My Parents
105. I Have Trust Issues
106. I Have Very Little Faith
107. Scared To Live My Life
108. I Am Not A Very Nice Person
109. I Cant Tell People About My Chest Pains Because They Will Want Me To See My Cardiologist
110. Idiot!
111. I Cant Speak My Mind
112. I Am Never Focused On Anything
113. I Never Want To Do Anything
114. I Lie To Get Out Of Things
115. I Dont Have A Lisence
116. Burning Myself Doesnt Hurt Anymore
117. People Have Given Up On Me
118. I Spend Too Much Money On Crap
119. People Hate Me
120. I Dont Sleep At Night
121. I Wont Do It Because I Don’t Want To Disappoint Anyone
122. Chest Is In Constant Pain
123. People Lie
124. Guys never follow through with their promises
1. I Never Have Energy
2. Not Confident
3.The Family never remembers my birthday
4. Wish I could talk to someone
5. My Constant Sadness
6. Even Friends Dont Talk To Me
7. I Hate The Way I Live My Life
8. Cant Speak My Mind To People I Know
9. I Wont Get Into Any Colleges
10. I Have Scars Inside And Out
11. There Are Few Emotions Left Inside Me
12. I Sleep Too Much Too Often
13. If I Die, How Will It Effect People? Val? My Family?
14. My Ambitians Are Rediculous
15. I Cant Feel Pain
16. I Look At Things And Think Of Ways To Hurt Myself With Them
17. I Take Things And Never Feel Bad About It
18. My Family Is Poor
19. Unattractive
20. My Sister Hates Me
21. My Life Is A Burden
22. People Dont Keep My Secrets
23. The Past Has Lead To My Trust Issues
24. I Know I Wont Fullfill My Dreams
25. No One Really Seems To Care About Me Od My Problems
26. No One Accepts Me For Who I Am
27. I Have Lost All Motivation To Do Things
28. I Hate My Dad, I Cant Tell Him I love Him Because I Dont29. Not Only Am I Lazy, But People Think I Am Too
30. I Dont Like Being With Other People31. I Dye My Hair To Appear As Though I Am More Pale
32. When I Am Stressed Or Aggrivated, my Body Hurts And The Only Way To Get Rid Of That Pain Is To Cut
33. I Have No Real Friends
34. Cant Even Use My Body To Get Things
35. No One Understands Me
36. Unappealing
37. All My "Friends" Moved Away
38. I Have No Motivation
39. I Want To DIE
40. I Lie About Scars, Cuts And Burns
41. I Dont Know If I Truely Believe
42. Unfulfilled
43. No Friends At School
44. I Could Over Dose At Any Time
45. People Keep Trying To Kill Me
46. The Fact That I Carry So Many Lighters
47. Not Very Pretty
48. I Want To Die Before Christmas
49. Molestation
50. My Bones Actually Itch
51. Im Fat
52. People Dont Understand My Art
53. I Am Always Too Lazy To Do Anything
54. No Real Talent
55. My Job Sucks
56. Dad Doesn't Like My Art and Mom Doesnt Understand It
57. Pain
58. I Am Never Happy
59. SAM Spelled Backwards Is MAS, MAS Means HUGE, HUGE = FAT
60. Scared Of Being Close To People (Men)
61. People Don't Take Me Serious
62. I Have No Real Control Over Myself
63. My Parents Never Pushed Me To Do Things
64. If I Disappeared, Who Would Care Or Even Notice
65. Not Much Of A Testimony
66. Scared Of Being Judged
67. Fear Of Things
68. My Father Thinks I Am Demented
69. I Cry
70. I Love The Feeling Of A Blade Running Across My Skin
71. I Have Lost The Urge To Smile
72. When I Want To Say Things, I Cant Get Up The Guts To Say Them
73. I Dont Care About Anything74. Life Is Over Rated
75. I Refuse To See My Heart Doctors
76. I Wont Clean My Room Because I Dont Want People To Be Able to Come In And Go Through My Things
77. Each Day Death Comes Closer, Just Not Quick Enough
78. Motivated To Kill Myself But Not Willing To Take The Time
79. Didnt Graduate On Time
80. My Brother Doesnt Love Me
81. Talking On The Phone Is Not My Specialty
82. People I Get Close To Leave For One Reason Or Another
83. Suck At School
84. Life
85. Never Know How To Express Myself
86. People Hate Me Because Im Fat
87. My Sister Sees Me As A Burden
88. I Cut As A Way To Control Something In My Life
89. I Can Sit For Hours Without Thinking
90. When I See My Sister Grab Knives While Doing The Dishes, I Imagine Her Cutting Her Hands, And I Giggle.
91. I Hate That I Am A Burden To Others
92. I Am Not Motivated To Pick Up The Phone When Someone Calls
93. Not Very Creative
94. No Real Thoughts
95. I Dont Feel Pain
96. I Doesnt Hurt To Burn
97. I Suck At Reading
98. Doesnt Look Like Fate Has Very Much Planned Out For Me
99. I Know I Have No Real Future
100. I Take Things For Granted
101. Havent Had A Feal Boyfriend Since 7th Grade
102. The Fact That I Am Not Comfortable In My Own Skin
103. My Handwriting Sucks And I Cant Spell
104. I Dissappoint My Parents
105. I Have Trust Issues
106. I Have Very Little Faith
107. Scared To Live My Life
108. I Am Not A Very Nice Person
109. I Cant Tell People About My Chest Pains Because They Will Want Me To See My Cardiologist
110. Idiot!
111. I Cant Speak My Mind
112. I Am Never Focused On Anything
113. I Never Want To Do Anything
114. I Lie To Get Out Of Things
115. I Dont Have A Lisence
116. Burning Myself Doesnt Hurt Anymore
117. People Have Given Up On Me
118. I Spend Too Much Money On Crap
119. People Hate Me
120. I Dont Sleep At Night
121. I Wont Do It Because I Don’t Want To Disappoint Anyone
122. Chest Is In Constant Pain
123. People Lie
124. Guys never follow through with their promises
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)