my depression and anxiety

What does my anxiety and depression f

eel like??? Tightness in chest, Paranoia, constant crying knowing I could stay in bed and sleep all day but knowing better that if I don't go to work some idiot will teach my class So i cry all the way to work. It's waking up and completely hyperventilating while sobbing uncontrollably. It's constantly needing a hug but said hug brings the tears. Ita a fit of rage that ripples to multiple unsuspecting people, who happen to be in my wake. It's being numb and not caring enough to brush my hair for days on end and then ripping the knots out instead of brushing it out. It's playing videogames instead of doing homework. 

Depression rears it's ugly head

Days when I'm not with you my internal sadness returns. The fear of no happiness just eats away at me and I feel like crying the tears well up and i try not to feel anything. Some days that happiness comes back the other days the sadness wins and the tears just keep coming

Feeling off

Feeling a bit off today. I dont know what it is but I have this overwhelming feeling of dread and fear. I feel as tho I  could cry at any moment. I havent had a day like this in months, I  want to crawl in bed and let the world dissappear.

Fucking Tired of Being Single

how will i realize when i am happy? tonight a guy i know told me he is finally happy to be out a relationship and plans on being happily single for a while. this is a guy who tells me he loves me everyday and that he misses me. then he goes and tells me this and that he is truely happy. i of course mention that i wish i would be that happy. and he told me that i am and i just dont realize it... wtf is that?!?!!he says i need time to realize it. how much fucking time do i need? i tell him. hasnt it been enough fucking time? and he has the nerve to say "obviouslly not"
when will it be enough time? being lonely and single fucking hurts! its been a little over 4yrs. no one wants a relationship with me.. being the girl they want to be around but never date is heartbreaking... im tired of feeling like no one in the world wants me. seriously. im tired of falling for guys who say they want to be with me and never have the balls to to thru with it. AM I THAT HORRIBLE? IS IT THAT HARD TO LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM? I COULD BE SO WONDERFUL AT LOVING SOMEONE IF ONLY THEY WOULD GIVE ME THE CHANCE.