Life with B

Well I started living with B and the roommates the last week of August. I had just finished my week of training and my new job needed me immediately. We worked out the bus system and figured it took two buses each morning to get me to work with B picking me up at night. One night he noticed an apartment complex near my work and we applied that night. By that Monday we had heard back B went and saw the place and we were able to move in that Sunday. We moved it Sept 10th. That was the perfect weekend since the roommates were out of town. Amber came over and helped us pack Saturday stayed through Sunday and helped us move in. It was actually nice. Our place is small but adorable. It's a one bedroom with a walk in closet, laundry room, walk in pantry and a nice sizes kitchen and living room. while we aren't entirely in packed yet two weeks later it has been fun finding out what we don't have and what we forgot to pack from our old places. Like most of his dishes and servingware. We have made plenty of trips to target and will hopeful!y get the rest of our needs this weekend because yay payday. The best part is its a ten minute walk to work for me. Anne a ten minute drive for him. This weekend we are finally getting our couch. We still don't have Wi-Fi or cable so we have been watching stuff on our phones lol it's terrible. I must admit actually living together as a couple is interesting. right now we are both so tired after work we have dinner, watch a few episodes if that then are usually asleep by 930pm. I have been so tired I have been sleeping through his 4am alarms. At some point hopefully we will get used to our schedules and be able to function more easily. I just hope we can get rid of the boxes sooner rather than later.

The new

It's been over a year since I last cut myself  and I couldn't be more happy with life. I find myself smiling for no reason,  breaking out of my shell one day at a time.  Yes there are days I cry and feel empty still they are just fewer and farther apart from the way I used to feel.

Still in love with him

We have been together almost two and a half years and I am still madly in love with him. I ache the days I don't get to see him. And when I'm with him I am so happy and giddy I can hardly contain myself. Yes there are days we get on each other's nerves but the love takes care of that.

Happy/love

So I have been thinking, am I ready to say I love you? Is that what hes waiting for? Are the I ♥yous not enough for him? Neither of us have said love, not even once. Whats stopping us? If we cant say it then what are we putting ourselves thru? There have been times I have stopped myself from saying love because it was a cliché of a time or fear of nothing in return. He still boggles my mind and heart and the un answeredness of it all is what eats me from the inside. I ask him what he needs from me or if he wants anything about us to change and he claims to be happy but is he happy enought? Am I happy enough? 

Dreams

I had an amazing dream about him last night. he did everything i know he will never do in real life. it wasn't a sex dream, just a dream full of my hopes and dreams. He was perfect. the way i always see him. I don't think i could ever not love him. yes he has his many faults but to me sadly he can do no wrong. he has told me what is in his heart and he has never acted on anything. so there is only hope that one day he will. one day..