Fucking Tired of Being Single

how will i realize when i am happy? tonight a guy i know told me he is finally happy to be out a relationship and plans on being happily single for a while. this is a guy who tells me he loves me everyday and that he misses me. then he goes and tells me this and that he is truely happy. i of course mention that i wish i would be that happy. and he told me that i am and i just dont realize it... wtf is that?!?!!he says i need time to realize it. how much fucking time do i need? i tell him. hasnt it been enough fucking time? and he has the nerve to say "obviouslly not"
when will it be enough time? being lonely and single fucking hurts! its been a little over 4yrs. no one wants a relationship with me.. being the girl they want to be around but never date is heartbreaking... im tired of feeling like no one in the world wants me. seriously. im tired of falling for guys who say they want to be with me and never have the balls to to thru with it. AM I THAT HORRIBLE? IS IT THAT HARD TO LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM? I COULD BE SO WONDERFUL AT LOVING SOMEONE IF ONLY THEY WOULD GIVE ME THE CHANCE.

Why would you choose to love me when you could have anyone else?

I don't want to be forgotten but I don't want to be never remembered either

Stressful day at work only to come home to have a super depressing convo with my dad. And none of my friend wanted to hang out tonight so it seemed like a good night to come home and cry