Sep 23, 2011

Its the weekend again. Hope something good happens. Sofar nothing is planned and I plan on not going to church too. I'm kinda sick of it at the moment and have no need or want to be there.

Sep 17, 2011

He makes my heart skip a thousand beats. Makes me nervouse like no one else can.

Sep 15, 2011

Its ma birthday

Its my birthday today.

I'm 24

Sofar its been fun, we have lunch plans and dinner plans. 

I even got the day off so I got to sleep in a few more hours. It was great.

Sep 13, 2011

So effing tired.... ranting...

Everything seems to be getting on my nerves lately. I'm tired of people slacking and me getting in trouble for it.  I'm tired of having to tell someone to do the same tasks every freaking day and having them never catch on. I'm tired of no one listening, of never having a moment to be alone, of never knowing if someone will ever love me. I'm tired of not having better control on my life. I'm tired of my mother trying to finally set boundaaries I don't need only because I still live under her roof. I'm tired of having to pay her bills because she can't afford to. I'm tired of not having a life or atleast one I enjoy and will look back on and not hate it. I'm tired of the lame life I am living and the inabuility to be and do what feels right. I'm tired of conforming to what my mother and family think s what I should and need to be. Why can't I just be who I feel I should be?  Why cant I be the one to break down my own conformist walls and live how I crave to be?  Why you ask? Why? Because I'm a mormon. Because I hate hurting people even if it hurts me. Because being the real me would break. My mothers heart. To have another child fall away from the life she brought us up in. To have another child tell her that the life she chose for me is a life I hate and is the reason I hate her.

Why?

How can I be so heart broken and strung out over someone I never even had?

Sep 12, 2011

Today

Its a beautiful day today. The sun is shining and it isn't too hot. Recently its been in the 90s and I do not like that. I hate being too warm all the time, my body runs hot enough as it is. And we don't even have an air conditioner to make it even worse lol so not only an I sweaty but So is everyone else including all the kids who like to climb on you and hold you. Ugh.

Anti social

Ok so I know I have had my bouts of anti socialism in the past but lately every person I make plans with either cancels or doesn't show up. Wtf is that about? Am I that horrible to be around? C says he wants to see me but never picks or settles on a time. B is too busy working 3 jobs and being with his family. A wants to go for a walk sometime soon but not even sure if I know what to expect if I say yes.

My birthday is this week. We have a dinner planned and I honestly wouldn't be suprised if no one showed up.