Its sad when you don't want to stay awake but you don't want to go to sleep because either life makes you miserable

To those who comment

Hey comments are always welcome even if they are somewhat negative. It just means someone cares enough to comment. Speak your mind and never feel sorry about it. I love hearing what your guys have to say

So whenever I meet someone else who cuts, I get kinda weird. Its like I search for scars and see how bad they are. And if they aren't as big or as bad as mine I feel better about myself for the moment. Its horrible, I know. Its just something I have notices. I love scars and seeing them on other people just adds something to the thrill of it

Its been 100 days sense I last cut myself. I'm honestly amazed I made it. It started out with a bet and I actually did it, but now that the 100 days are up, who knows what could happen. I have a vacation in 2 weeks and plan on wearing a swim suit. So hopefully I can make it so I don't have to worry about open wounds in the lake.But anyway, 100 day woo!

Losing the weight this week is deffinatly a good thing. I weight 220 lbs and have been working at it for a while. My problem is that I love food! Lol. I have had my body my whole life and I still don't understand my metabolism. It changes constantly.

Down 2.2 lbs this week. Officially at the lowest I have been in a while

I am so damn sick of my mother Because ever sense I dyed my hair she has been going off about how if I want to look like this someone else should have me as their daughter. Every time I'm around her she looks at me and talks about a different person who should be my mother It seems like She thinks she is joking, but it just hurts and getting on my nerves I have been crawling in my skin

painting

this is what i have done to my bedroom door sofar

i Dyed my hair black yesterday. and my mom totally hated me for the day. she is still a little upset but she is starting to like it. on top of cutting the ten inches off, the dying it just kinda set her off. at one point she actually told me that maybe i should call sherry my mom because all her kids have black hair. she didn't like it because i was black enough on the inside without having black hair. oh well... she is getting used to it and i love it.

I cut 10 inches off my hair today! Monday I'm dying my hair too! It is soo time for a big change!

Its been 82 days

I'm painting again.. Somehow my lonely boring live is too stressful and all I want to cut. So instead I paint

change is good

i needed a change in my life so i decided to paint. not just on canvas either, i needed a big project. so I have been painting my bedroom door this week. mainly around dusk so i can stand to be outside lol. it has been plain hot pink for a few years not and i am ready for a change.i kept the pink on one side so it would still match my room, but on the outside of the door is Silver and black with pink hand prints sprayed into it. the other side has painted flowers and spirals. i havent finished it yet, but when i do im gonna post a pic of it.

this week has been the hottest week of my live, and i dont mean sexually. the lowest it has been at my house was 85 degrees at night. i have been uncomfortable and sweaty. i even passed out one day after i puked from the heat. it was horrible. i have been sleeping with my windows open for what seems like forever and even with that and the fan going doesnt seem to help. i am used to it raining every day, thats what i love about living in the seattle area. i NEED rain!yes i enjoy the sun every once and a while but seriously. 75 degrees would be great!